Why I haven’t released a book this year
| I’ve been getting emails checking on me and my work. I’ve been putting off writing a newsletter to you all in hopes that the situation would’ve improved, and I’d be able to tell you that the next book release was right around the corner. I can’t say that. As you all have noticed, I haven’t released The Fear Syndrome yet. It hasn’t been for lack of trying. I’m working every day. Since 2007, when Magic Lost, Trouble Found was released, I’ve released 20 books. That’s 20 books in 17 years. Between books, I always tell myself that I’ll take a little break, but I end up starting the next book within days of finishing the previous one. I know I’m a workaholic. Writing is also my job, how I make money to pay the bills. When I don’t release books, I don’t make money. It’s as simple as that. It’s a hell of a motivator. Like most of you, the past six to eight years have taken their toll. Between political upheaval, COVID, and deaths of loved ones, we’re all emotionally and physically exhausted. We’re worn down and worn out. I’ve added a major surgery two years ago to all of the above. Writing isn’t like a normal job that you can just push through on a day-to-day basis. Many authors I know are having similar problems. Our minds have to be in a good place (or at least a decent place) to even begin to produce quality work. We create worlds and characters, and need to put ourselves into both to weave a story that will not only entertain, but transport ourselves and our readers, giving us an escape into a place far away from where we are. Writers are also sensitive and empathetic, absorbing the emotions of those around us – both personal and up close, and far away through media of all kinds. The past few years were better left unabsorbed. But for those of us who can’t help but to absorb and assimilate, all the negativity – the anxiety, fear, sadness, depression — affects our lives and our work. I’ve battled anxiety and depression for most of my life. I’m on some great meds, but meds can’t fix everything. When I’m out and about, anyone who sees or meets me would think I was perfectly fine, cheerful, encouraging, hopeful even. And I am. On the surface. Underneath, I’m the walking wounded. Each of my past few books have taken longer to write. The Fear Syndrome was supposed to have been out last November. I’m only on Chapter 8. Deep down, I know that I’m simply burned out, that my writer brain is still there and still capable of doing the same level of work as always. But occasionally, doubt creeps in. That voice that tells me that I’ve lost my edge, the creative fire has burned out, and it’ll never come back. But then there are the days when I write part of a chapter and I realize the spark is still there, that I’ve still got it. Hope. In the past two months, I’ve been able to start reading for enjoyment again, which is critical to being able to write. Some days, I don’t make progress on the book, but most days I do. It’s slower than I want, but I’m having to accept that it’s what I can do right now. Yes, I need the money, but I can only do what I can do. Accepting that isn’t easy and I’m still working on it, but I’m getting so much better at doing self-care, being kind to and patient with myself, reminding myself that my writer brain is fine, it can still do everything it could in the past, it’s just “on crutches” right now. Slow and steady gets the book written, not panic and beating myself up. Let me tell you, as a workaholic who needs the income, “Just relax!” is a hell of a lot easier said than even attempted, let alone done. But I’m trying and I’m getting there. I still believe I’ll get back up to my past production levels, I’m just going through one hell of a slump. Getting better takes time. On a more positive note, I am making progress on the audiobooks. The Solstice Countdown is out there for sale, and we’re seven chapters from the end of recording The Entity Game. As soon as Derek finishes the production on that one, we’ll start The Gorgon Agenda. Then the Raine books. We’re found our ideal recording time. During lunch. Have lunch, get in the recording booth. I’m doing two chapters a day. That’s an excellent pace. The equipment picks up the tiniest of outside sounds, and even though we live in the country, lunchtime has less cars going by the house. Also, by the end of the day, I’m tired and still need to make dinner. I need the evenings to relax, not record. Which brings me to Derek. As of July, we’ve been married for 33 years. I could not have a more loving and supportive husband. Thankfully, he has a good job, so the loss to my income is manageable. I’m typing this, tears running down my face, and he’s rubbing my shoulders and reminding me that he loves me, it’s all good, and everything is going to be fine. I know this, but it’s beyond wonderful to have my strong, loving man reminding me whenever I need it. Back to the audiobooks. I’m getting better as a narrator with each recording session, and I’m enjoying it. Back when it first came out, I read a few reviews of The Solstice Countdown. I probably shouldn’t have. Hoo boy, some of those were brutal. They want Johanna back as the narrator for my SPI Files books, and I’d love to be able to hire her, but I can’t afford it now, and probably not for the foreseeable future. They couldn’t know my situation, but I have to admit, it still hurt. Fortunately, I have a thick professional skin, so I’ve been able to, as Taylor says, “shake it off.” I’ve been wanting to tell you all this for a long time, but I always wanted to “wait a little longer” to see if things improved. They have, but not enough to be able to give you a publication date on The Fear Syndrome. Right now, my focus is on progress, not a deadline. I’m hopeful to maybe be able to say next spring?? But I have to keep my focus on daily progress, taking my writer brain from crutches to a cane, to a hobble, a walk, then a run. I’m having to be patient with myself. Which is a hoot, because as those who know me would tell you, I’m one of the least patient people they know, especially with myself. But I’m working on it, I’m getting better at doing it, and I’m making writing progress. Do what you can and do it well. Making small progress is something I can do well, so I’m celebrating it. I hope telling you all this might help a few of you who are going through something similar. We have to lift each other up, encourage when we can, hug (even cyber hugs) when we can’t. Don’t isolate yourself. If you need help, please get it. I’ve been thinking about getting some therapy. However, my stress is largely financial. I don’t produce, I don’t make money. So, I didn’t see how therapy could help. But. . .talking to someone about forgiving myself for not being able to produce right now just might do me a world of good. Being able to forgive myself for what I view deep down as failure would be such a relief. There. I’ve admitted it. This girl needs to get herself some therapy. : ) I need it and I’m going to get help. Someone to help guide me through this. Because I know I can get through this and come out so much better on the other side. Please, if you’re suffering silently, reach out. It seems like half the world is in therapy right now. I’ll be adding myself to that number. If you need it, please do the same. For those of you who still have it all together, or even mostly together, and want to share some positivity, I would love to hear from you. I could use some encouragement and lifting up – and cyber hugs are always welcome! Love you all! Lisa |